Dear Mpho Pharasi
You have been on my mind today. I thought i would be over you by now, but actually i just realized that I’m not gonna get over you and that there is no reason to get over you. Your memories and the lessons you taught me, i’ll value for ever. I’m glad to have known you my friend.
I went through my Facebook inbox today, trying to clear it and other things. While doing that I came across messages between you and I. Memories of you flooded my head, your laughter, your huge eyes, the way you would express yourself and how you would light up when excited or how you would jump up and down when excited…like a little kid.
The finality of your not being here, of your never coming back. Ever…The pain doesn’t get better, it still hurts as much as the day I heard the dreadful news of your passing. I thought it was a joke that morning. Cause you were one crazy fu*#k. You would actually joke about that. Anyway that entire day played out in slow motion…one of the hardest days of my life. I thought about your family but mostly about Simone (she looks just like you). I felt selfish for feeling the way I did, if I still feel this way, how did she feel? How does she feel?
The pain hasn’t gotten better with time, we just have to get used to living life without the people we love.
Anyway, the messages in my inbox are the funniest thing ever! You were crazy, one of the few people who get my sense of humor :). I don’t remember us ever having a serious conversation. Except when you’d be mad at me for being unreliable and the advice you gave me that changed my life. LoL i remember how you would get mad at me for not keeping to our commitments, I wish i had. I wish I had made the time, made the time to make more memories. I really miss how you would get excited about stuff. LoL. [other things I dare not repeat] I miss my friend.
I miss the music sessions at Brixton (lol) and the dancing. Oh and that cheap pizza we used to buy with the free wine. Your favourite!
I remember the last time we spoke. The question you asked me and the other things you said and I assumed you were just being your silly self.
I miss you my friend. I still cry every time I think of you. Friends like you are hard to find. And now your’re not here.
I wonder what you would be doing now. I remember the plans you had made. Its true about us making the plans and God deciding. I wish He hadn’t decided to take you that soon. There’s sooooo much I wanna tell you.
Lots of love and tears.