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Just a thought

missing mpho pharasi…

You didn’t have to die. I always think about that. You should be here. You taught me the real meaning of friendship, love and so much about being selfless.

When I saw this pic/meme, I immediately thought of you. I thought, there’s no one I know who could possibly have such a phucked up, totally crazy but legendary experience, no one but Mpho! I thoughlifet that could totally be you 😂 but you’d obviously be looking totally sexy.  You probably wouldn’t be the one who’s passed out though, you’d be somewhere in there, in mix.  Hahaha
hah you probably called the ambulance?  Then laughed when you told the story right?

You lived life. You lived fully. That’s what I miss the most about you, you were you, all the damn time.

I miss my best friend so much. I hate that term, I hate labels, but you are the only person that I could admit to being my best friend. 😂 I don’t know what that’s about.

You live in my head, you live in my heart, it must be so tiring because I know you live in so many other people’s hearts too. So much work? 🙂

I think, actually I know that the one thing that hurts me the most is that I never got to see you laid to rest. That hurts so much. I wish I had honored your invitation to come out to maftown that one last time, but see, I thought you’d always be here. I thought you’d always call and say you’re at some random place so let’s hook up.

But that’s how life is isn’t it? Nothing is permanent I guess.

just be there when she’s ready to walk out…

breaking-freeOne of the worst things that I’ve ever put myself through was being in an abusive relationship (physical, emotional, verbal…zonke bonke).  For 5 odd years or so… I lost my dammed mind, completely brainwashed!  I’m soooo glad I can laugh about it now.  Now I know for a fact that I’m smart☺😂, don’t fight it, you know it too. But I let myself be controlled by someone’s sick, sick twisted mind, I was young too.  Let me just tell you this, while you’re in that cycle, that mess…your mind is reduced to the size of a raisin. Your sense of reasoning…out the window.

Now most of us know of someone in an abusive relationship. Be it physical abuse or mental abuse or any other kind there is. I know a couple of people who are in this situation. And it hurts me, it hurts everyone who loves them too. And mostly, it hurts them too.

The biggest challenge is trying to convince someone in this situation to WALK OUT! It’s as good as talking to yourself. #BrainWashedVibes. My sisters can tell you all about that…I can’t count the number of times I was sat down, spoken to, shouted at and even at other times begged to WALK OUT. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t do it, for 5 odd years or so. I was stuck in a pit, some might say self-inflicted or whatever. But that was that.

This is what happens…someone, who’s sick in the head and in the heart makes you BELIEVE you are nothing. Seriously, and for some unbeknown reason, your mind believes this, all of it. Even if at the back of your mind, there are alarm bells going off😂 but yep you believe the crap. You believe that no one understands you like this sick person, you believe that no one will EVER love you like this sick person.

Your family and friends dare not tell you to leave. They dare not!!!

The only time a person WALKS OUT of an abusive relationship (especially physical) is either when they finally snap out of it and realize their worth or when they are dead.

I WALKED OUT, I snapped out of it. There’s a funny story about the guy who helped me wake up 🙂 one crazy person who did something amazing for my life, and they don’t even know it. Crazy maafuckr

Now back to my point. If you have a loved one going through this, all you can do is be patient. Be very patient. Whenever they decide to leave the abuser, but go back again in a week or two, be patient. Don’t throw in the towel. Please always be that life line, whenever they come up for air from that sick persons stronghold. Be that life line. I know it’s tiring, I see it all the time. I always ask myself, “dude where was your sexy brain during all this?” And I never have the answer, ever.  Now, my story is deeper than this, and one day I’ll tell it 🙂

But for now, remember,

  1. you don’t have to take crap from anyone, not ever.
  2. no one is the only person who will ever love you, in fact, they DONT love you if they make you believe that.
  3. starting over is the best thing you can ever do for yourself.

 

There’s always gonna be bills to pay, so live a little…

I think I was born to travel the world.  LOL, seriously.  In my other life I might have been a wandering gypsy.  I imagine I might have never lived in one place for longer than a month.  I imagine I stayed in log cabins in Fiji which were filled with the smell of beautiful winter holidays and wood lit fireplaces and lush bear fur carpets on laminated wooden floors.  I might have even stayed in all of the worlds’ mountains at some point too, because nothing makes my soul as peaceful as being in the mountains.  Or I could have been the air? That’s the only way I could have been to all those places.  Hmmm.  But in this life though, none of that, I live a normal life in this life :/
Anyway, I think that one the most important things a person can do for themselves is to travel.  It does not need to be globetrotting, but start small, see your country and neighbouring countries, then do Greece! I need to do Greece ASAP…

I used to make sure that in a year, I visit at least 4 new destinations.  That’s not too much and it really doesn’t take too much from the pocket.   Over the last 2 years however, I’ve stopped doing that, I let “life” stop me from doing what I love the most.  That’s how we get stuck in a rut, we let bills get in the way of enjoying life and trying new things.  There will always, always be bills to pay, there will always be something important that needs to be taken care of.  So if we keep putting off doing the things we like to do because of bills, we are never gonna go anywhere, we are never gonna really live.  Each and every day, month and year is gonna be the same, and our futures will be riddled with nothing but regrets of time wasted.

This year I’ve decided to get back into my beautiful not so routine, routine.  I’ve made a promise to myself that I will get back to going to four places I’ve never been within the year.  There are ways to stretch those rands and to make them work for you.  I’m no longer going to focus on the “why” I cannot travel.

Do yourself a favour too, do join me J

Ahh to be young, insured and financially savvy…

Consider this scene; an aged retired man…or woman lounging on a hammock while being hypnotised by the majestic horizon.  The surroundings are nothing short of breath-taking, and pretty expensive.  Aren’t they juFeatured imagest lucky?
No, they weren’t always rich.  These guys saved up for their golden years.  You could do the same.

Start now, start small.  Yes you are young, that age of retirement is nothing short of a myth to you at this point in time.  You will get there or you might even want to retire early, consider that.  Can you imagine how much you will have saved by the time you reach your retirement age? Possibly millions!

There are numerous factors that come into play when we speak of saving up for the future. For instance, the now…yes the present, your current salary.  Some people can barely make it through the month with the salary they currently earn, and so they tell themselves that they will start saving up when they get that better paying job.  This doesn’t usually happen.  Most young people know that they should be saving up for rainy days, or for retirement, but there is that little thing called a tight budget.  There never seems to be enough money to cover the bare necessities, how then can one even contemplate saving for something seemingly so far?  It’s possible, just start.

The same goes when it comes to getting insurance.  The youth do not see this concept of insurance as one that is relevant to them.  Boy are you wrong if you believe that insurance is only for old people!  Ask a person who has lost it all within a split second, whether it is to a fire, to an accident, to the unfortunate encounter with criminals or to Mother Nature’s wrath. Get yourself some insurance, and live with no regrets.

The world has undergone a total metamorphosis over the past couple of years.  And so have you perhaps.  You are working your way up the corporate ladder or you’ve probably even arrived!  You own a shiny mean machine or maybe you have managed to get yourself a not too shabby second hand vehicle as your 1st car…whatever gets you from A to B.  You have probably even accumulated some valuable assets; your smartphone, a top of the range laptop and even furniture.  All of this is insured right?

Get yourself covered…within the blink of an eye all you own could be lost.

Here’s a tip: write it off! Whatever little amount you agree with yourself on putting away or towards your insurance…write it off and consider it as not even a part of your salary.  Yes it’s not as simple as that at all, but in a couple of years you will most certainly see the rewards.

Ask an older person what they wish they could have done differently with regards to their financial standings while they were younger, while they could do it.  The most probable thing they will say to you is that they wish they could have saved and put away some money for rainy days and for their golden years.  Investing towards your financial wellness is the best you could do for yourself.  As mentioned before, start small but start now.  Get in touch with a reputable financial adviser; you will be amazed at what your supposedly insignificant salary could do for you.

Indebted for the privilege of being born?

During an interesting discussion with my colleagues, a thought-provoking issue came up.  The demographics of the group of colleagues was an interesting mix, varying widely with regards to the age groups.  The elderly obviously think we’re a lost generation, and a very selfish one too at that.

One of the elderly in the group passed a remark on how we (the younger generation) are always broke; whether or not we are employed and usually getting paid pretty well.  They asked why are we always broke? Okay not every young person is always broke but you will have to agree with me that at most times we struggle to make it through the month after pay day.  That’s when one of the younger people in the group raised an interesting point…

Maybe some of the young people are always broke because as soon as you start working you are expected to pay back a looooot of people that helped in your upbringing.  If it’s not your parents expecting you to pay them back for raising you and putting you through school.  Then it’s your mother’s aunt who put your mother through school so that she could get educated and put you through school; now you have to pay for their grandchildren’s education.  Okay…maybe these are extreme examples, but I’m sure you know of similar stories.

So, do we come into this world already drowning in debt? Are we brought into this world with the obligation to pay off some sort of debt we did not even actively acquire?

There are things I’ve heard a couple of times from some parents. Things such as “I raised now you must pay me back”.  I don’t know…I think no child is asked to be born therefore no children should have the burden or obligation of paying back their parents for raising them.
The desire to honor and take care of your parents should be one that comes from the child because they are grateful and appreciative for all their parents have done for them.  Your children’s dreams should not be put on hold because they are taking care of the debt of being raised and having being taken to school.  Yes it would be stupid, to say the least, to live a lavish life while your parents back home are starving.  The issue is contextual really.

I think, moving forward as young parents, let’s save for our retirement.  Let’s plan ahead and make sure that our children grow up not wanting for much.  And also, we must work to ensure that we are not so poor that when are kids start working we immediately feel like it’s payback time.

cheesy cheesy cheesy love letter

Love letter… (When last) When last did I write a love letter, if at all I have ever written one?? Do people still do that? Am I gonna have to mail it? *chuckles* but ke I couldn’t not write this…

Dear Sugar 😒😂

Where do I even begin? I wish I were some sort of a poet, able to write you the sweetest poem. I wish I had the same relationship Pablo Neruda had with his pen and paper. I wish I could put pen to paper and make magic happen just to make you understand what I’m trying to say. You have been nothing but amazing, even that word is an understatement.

You look out for me like no one ever has before. I just thought I’d remind you that you are loved and you are greatly appreciated. My prayer is that God fulfills your every desire and brings to life your every dream. No one has a heart purer than yours.

Thank you for holding it down in EVERY department! I love you.

I could go on and on and on ke kodwa what I wanted to say is that uyathandwa ndim. More than you can imagine. Stay as you are, keep focused on those goals and yeah man…

Konje bengithini? 😂

I love you sugar.

Working on being a pleasant memory…

Looking back at the shadows of the people that made you you, are there any significant people that you could say truly came into your life with the sole purpose of shaping you? Are there people that you helped shape into better beings? I think the next time you walk into someone’s life, whether it be at work, relationship or just at a shop…think about the kind of impression you will leave behind. I’m working on being one of the best memories.

So many people, situations and things shape and define who we are and who we have been and what we will become. I believe that everyone that walks into our lives brings something into our lives. Sometimes they bring valuable lessons and some come to teach us what we don’t need in our lives. We are built by numerous blocks of experience and circumstance, and it is up to us to decide what lessons we take away from these life encounters. We can either sulk and busk in being victims of circumstance or we can take away the good of each situation.

There are people that have walked into our lives like whirlwinds and turned things upside down and left us asking ourselves why God allowed our paths to cross theirs. Then there are those that ignite something within us so powerful, beautiful and absolutely amazing that we just want them to stay and never leave, but only to find that they are not meant to be in our lives for long…or that we are not meant to stay in their lives. Their memory lingers on long after they have exited our lives and when we find ourselves running down memory lane, ghosts of acquaintances, friends and relatives past are what helped us to choose what paths to take and which to abandon.

One day a, in memory of you, a story will be told. What impression are leaving?

Is There Always A Hidden Agenda?

So what ever happened to platonic male/female friendships? Do they not exist anymore and have they ever existed to begin with or is that just a myth? I, personally think co-ed friendships do exist and can exist without any coital activities having to take place. LoL, seriously…But it seems the game has changed and people are constantly trying to hit it and Social media has made it impossible for people to be platonic friends.  It’s somehow taken away from real, genuine friendships.  Or that’s what it looks like.  The visual and imagined influence of social media makes opposite sex friendship impossible.

The high rate of thirsty guys has also made it rather challenging to have a decent conversation with people of the opposite sex on social media.  Even if it’s purely innocent, when someone of the opposite sex greets you via inbox or DM, the alarms immediately go off and you’re thinking “thirsty”.  Or even if you happen to “see” (whether it be through snooping or whatever means used) messages to your partner from a person of the opposite sex, you jump to sometimes stupid conclusions because it seems like there is no longer room for platonic friendships in our lives. WHY??

Usually you ignore these bothersome messages from strangers, you could be missing out on a potential business opportunity or just a good platonic conversation.  LoL kodwa usually it’s some thirsty niggz trying to waste your time.

Can we get back to just being friends…like for reals reals?? With no hidden agendas…It could save the Ozone layer.

Human nature is the most interesting thing ever.  I’m so intrigued by what makes other people think and behave a certain way and by what makes us all the same but at the same time so different.  We all see things in such different ways, the same situations affect us so differently.  Where was I going with this :/

Reviewing Your Bae…

PerformanceReviewSo I just had my final performance appraisal done for this year done…eish the pressure and the reality check!  Planning and working towards this was so agonizing, but actually it is something that needs to be done.  This exercise allows you to reflect on what you set out to do or planned to do when the year began.  So doing the appraisal, half way through the year and at the end of the year helps one look back at how far you have come and to actually measure in order to see if you stuck to your word and followed through on your plans.  It didn’t go too bad…but there is room for improvement obviously.

So anyway this somehow got me thinking about how cool (or not) it would be if we could do performance appraisals in our relationships :D.

Not to say that relationships should have contracts or anything, but when you enter into that committed relationship there is some level of expectations, and in the happy, cheery, blossomy beginning of the relationship you do make some promises to make each other happy till kingdom come! If you were to do a performance appraisal with your partner on your performance or contribution in the relationship, would say you are on the right track? If you reflect on how things were in the beginning and the way things are now…would you say you are “doing your job correctly” are you delivering?

I think that would be interesting because somewhere in between work, family and just life in general we forget to maintain the consistency of things with our partners.  We forget to do the things that made us “get” our partners in the 1st place.  So the performance appraisal would work to our advantage…lol.  Imagine having to rate yourself in the different categories, do your still score a 5 out of 5??

Okay, okay that would be an awkward thing to do with you bae, but maybe just do it alone, just reflect.  Reflect on your life as well, are you still on the right track?

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