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missing mpho pharasi…

You didn’t have to die. I always think about that. You should be here. You taught me the real meaning of friendship, love and so much about being selfless.

When I saw this pic/meme, I immediately thought of you. I thought, there’s no one I know who could possibly have such a phucked up, totally crazy but legendary experience, no one but Mpho! I thoughlifet that could totally be you 😂 but you’d obviously be looking totally sexy.  You probably wouldn’t be the one who’s passed out though, you’d be somewhere in there, in mix.  Hahaha
hah you probably called the ambulance?  Then laughed when you told the story right?

You lived life. You lived fully. That’s what I miss the most about you, you were you, all the damn time.

I miss my best friend so much. I hate that term, I hate labels, but you are the only person that I could admit to being my best friend. 😂 I don’t know what that’s about.

You live in my head, you live in my heart, it must be so tiring because I know you live in so many other people’s hearts too. So much work? 🙂

I think, actually I know that the one thing that hurts me the most is that I never got to see you laid to rest. That hurts so much. I wish I had honored your invitation to come out to maftown that one last time, but see, I thought you’d always be here. I thought you’d always call and say you’re at some random place so let’s hook up.

But that’s how life is isn’t it? Nothing is permanent I guess.

just be there when she’s ready to walk out…

breaking-freeOne of the worst things that I’ve ever put myself through was being in an abusive relationship (physical, emotional, verbal…zonke bonke).  For 5 odd years or so… I lost my dammed mind, completely brainwashed!  I’m soooo glad I can laugh about it now.  Now I know for a fact that I’m smart☺😂, don’t fight it, you know it too. But I let myself be controlled by someone’s sick, sick twisted mind, I was young too.  Let me just tell you this, while you’re in that cycle, that mess…your mind is reduced to the size of a raisin. Your sense of reasoning…out the window.

Now most of us know of someone in an abusive relationship. Be it physical abuse or mental abuse or any other kind there is. I know a couple of people who are in this situation. And it hurts me, it hurts everyone who loves them too. And mostly, it hurts them too.

The biggest challenge is trying to convince someone in this situation to WALK OUT! It’s as good as talking to yourself. #BrainWashedVibes. My sisters can tell you all about that…I can’t count the number of times I was sat down, spoken to, shouted at and even at other times begged to WALK OUT. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t do it, for 5 odd years or so. I was stuck in a pit, some might say self-inflicted or whatever. But that was that.

This is what happens…someone, who’s sick in the head and in the heart makes you BELIEVE you are nothing. Seriously, and for some unbeknown reason, your mind believes this, all of it. Even if at the back of your mind, there are alarm bells going off😂 but yep you believe the crap. You believe that no one understands you like this sick person, you believe that no one will EVER love you like this sick person.

Your family and friends dare not tell you to leave. They dare not!!!

The only time a person WALKS OUT of an abusive relationship (especially physical) is either when they finally snap out of it and realize their worth or when they are dead.

I WALKED OUT, I snapped out of it. There’s a funny story about the guy who helped me wake up 🙂 one crazy person who did something amazing for my life, and they don’t even know it. Crazy maafuckr

Now back to my point. If you have a loved one going through this, all you can do is be patient. Be very patient. Whenever they decide to leave the abuser, but go back again in a week or two, be patient. Don’t throw in the towel. Please always be that life line, whenever they come up for air from that sick persons stronghold. Be that life line. I know it’s tiring, I see it all the time. I always ask myself, “dude where was your sexy brain during all this?” And I never have the answer, ever.  Now, my story is deeper than this, and one day I’ll tell it 🙂

But for now, remember,

  1. you don’t have to take crap from anyone, not ever.
  2. no one is the only person who will ever love you, in fact, they DONT love you if they make you believe that.
  3. starting over is the best thing you can ever do for yourself.

 

i love girls, girls, girls

There’s nothing I’d love more to do than inspire young people to be great.  I’d love to be able to reach out to and speak to young people from all walks of life.  Each individual has sooooo much potential, sooooo so much!  But more than anything in the world I’d love to be able to reach and awaken the realization in young women that is, they can be anything they want to be.  Shouldn’t there be a class about this subject at schools? hhmm

self love

If I were a motivational speaker, my core focus would on be reaching out to young women, empowering them with skills, empowering them with knowledge and empowering them with the most important seed of all, which is self-love.  I’d love nothing more than to witness a turnaround in the way young women see themselves.

I might be wrong, but I think self-love, self-confidence and the ability to be happy with being just you is the most important thing.  I’ve seen too many girls, too many women unhappy or unsatisfied with who they are.  There is this need by women to be acknowledged by the people around them.  There is this desire to get approval from people who don’t even matter.  I wish that we could realize this earlier on in life, realize that actually people’s views of us must not ever be a measure of who we are.

Now on the subject of being happy with being just happy with yourself, I’d like to touch on the subject of being happy by yourself.  I wish more ladies knew that it’s okay to be alone, it’s okay to be single, it really is ladies.  Yes being in a relationship at the right time with the right person is amazing!! Totally out of this world, but it should not be all you aspire to.  I’ve seen way too many ladies (good, quality ladies) try so hard to be loved, try so hard to be in relationships, just because nje.  So, just because all your friends are in seemingly fairy tale like relationships, it doesn’t mean you should throw yourself easily onto anything that looks like it might be love.  Seriously, it’s okay to love yourself 1st, find yourself, figure out what you want and love will find you (if that’s what you’re looking for of course).

Now back to my point…The only thing you should focus on is bettering yourself for you, for the right reasons, because YOU want to.

 

An almost crappy weekend away, with a really wrong turn…(Pt 2)

The next morning was meant to be spent at a spa, somewhere at a nature reserve, we had that to look forward to.  Saturday morning, off we went looking forward to a lazy, relaxed day at the spa.  We trust Google Maps, so we punched in our destination address, and hit the road.  I made a call to the spa just to conform how long it should take us to get to them from where we were, the lady on the other end of the line said roughly 40 -45 minutes.  Cool!

After driving for a while, say a good 30 minutes, the sexy voice from Google Maps prompts us to turn right…hehehehehe and so we turned lol.  The worst part is that it was a gravel road, so we took it easy because we don’t got no SUV.  After driving for over 30 minutes, we started getting worried, the estimated arrival time displaying on the GPS kept changing, form 30 minutes to now an hour.  So the mood was starting to change.

But because it seemed like the place was close, we remained hopeful, I mean… Google Maps had never let us down before.
About 40 minutes later we got to a boom gate, branded with the name of the estate the spa is situated in.  So we breathed very deep sighs of relief.  The security guard didn’t ask us anything, he simply did what looked like jotting down something on his board.  For some reason, we did not say or ask him anything, besides exchange greetings.  He lifted the boom, and let us through.  Little did we know what was up ahead.

So we drove on further into what looked like a “neighbourhood” of nature reserves and huge plots.  There was absolutely no sign of human life, we would 30 minutes or more without seeing any other cars driving on the dirt road, or even a pedestrian.  We drove on, under he assumption that our destination was just up ahead, like really close.  30 minutes after passing the 1st boom gate, we reach another boom gate.  There we were greeted by another security guard, who also seemed to scribble something on his note book.  We exchanged greetings, and this time we actually were smart enough to ask him for directions.  He kept us hopeful, without a doubt on his face, and with the utmost confidence in his voice, he told us to continue straight in that same direction and that we would reach our destination in about 30 minutes!! Hahahahahaha!! I mean…despite the fact that we had now been driving for over an hour and we had been told that our destination was just over 40 minutes away, he seemed like he knew what he was talking about.

So we drove off, into the open dusty, rough road into the wilderness.  We’d been driving for a while when suddenly we lost all signals.  The radio went off and our phones were as good as snorkelling gear in the Sahara.  And we had no clue where we were, or where we were going.  You have to see this place to understand this.  Literally driving to nowhere, in the middle of nowhere.  By now, the mood was rather sour, not what we had hoped for at all!

We started assessing our options…whether to go back or to forge on and see where the road would eventually take us.  We drove, and drove, and drove and drove.  Until finally we came across a very, very old man walking along the road.  It really looked like a scene from a horror movie.  Tltltltlttl!! U brothers wathi we shouldn’t stop to ask him for directions, because he looked like a typical serial killer right out of a Steven Spielberg film! Lol…But we stopped, cause I’m so brave and I assured him that I’d protect him…  Well the old man told us that we were nowhere near our destination and that we should have turned somewhere way back.  He told us about an alternate route that we could take, continuing on the same course.  We thanked him, and off we went.

At this point, I was just missing my bed, at home.  Like, besiyaphi nje to begin with.

A few minutes after the encounter with the serial killer look alike, we came across rangers, heading towards where we were coming from.  We stopped them, and told them about our dilemma.  They looked at us like idiots, and confirmed what the old man had said, we were wayyyyy off.  They gave us the right directions, just as the old man had said.  And again, off we went into the roughest roads, with no SUV!

Our human campuses had said that we would get to another boom gate; we followed their direction correctly and we made it to hopefully the last boom gate!  We greeted the gentleman at the gate, and we told him about our sad, sad story.  He laughed and laughed and told us that the security guard at the 1st boom gate was supposed to show us a concealed gate which is sort of a back door entrance to our destination.  That idiot!!! Or actually us idiots, for not asking! Mxm…
This security guard assured us that we were now really close to where we were going and told us which way to go.

We drove on and at some point got to a concrete road, I had never been that excited to see a concrete road before.  It was pure bliss! That joy did not last for long though because, in order to get to where we were going, we had to get back on a gravel route again.  We got to that route, but we were hopeful and just enthusiastic that we did not pay attention to the excessive sand on the road.  One minute we were talking and laughing the next minute the car was swerving dramatically from left to right, for what seemed like a good 5 minutes (it wasn’t that long). But eventually my knight in shining armour managed to get the car back into control and it eventually came to a halt.  We were just really, really lucky that there were no big trees on that route because we hit those small ones which inflicted no damage to the car at all.

The entire time this was happening, I wasn’t thinking about rolling off a cliff and dying or whatever, I was just thinking, when will anyone see us if we crash and need help?? I was so stressed! Geez!

But anyway, we made it out of that little scene safe and sound, with our hearts obviously on the floor.  But on the brighter side we were so close!

So eventually, after driving for what seemed like an eternity we got there, and still had our beautiful spa day.  After our lazy day and we went back to our new beautiful hotel room.  That felt like a dream.  I  would like to be a die hard romantic and say I would do it all again in a heart beat!  But nah, I’d skip all the other crappy stuff and fast forward to all the cozy, sexy parts… LOL all in all I can say that I enjoyed my weekend away with my sugar.

Above all, I’m saying is thanks God this happened in broad day light.

An almost crappy weekend away, with a really wrong turn…

What an interesting weekend this turned out to be! At some point it felt like a really long and wrong weekend.

I for one had been looking forward to this past weekend forever! Why can’t we go away every weekend anyway?  So when it was finally here, I was obviously excited. And judging by the pics of the hotel from their website, it was bound to be an absolutely amazingly relaxed weekend.

So on Friday afternoon, off we went to our little adventure (joking, it’s like a 2 hour drive)…but anyway, we were excited to get away from everything and just chill.

*cues dramatic music* we were excited, until we got to the hotel that is, yhuuuuuuu!!!!
After entering the reception area, we both went silent.  In my mind I’m thinking, okay, maybe, just maybe, the actual room we plan on spending our weekend in is actually a bit like the pics on the freaken website!

So the lady checks us in, says we can pay the balance amount for the rest of our stay, luckily we had left our bags in the car so we said we’d pay later.  We got handed our key, and a kind gentleman escorts us to our room.  The patio and the swimming pool area??? NOTHING like the absolutely gorgeous gallery on the hotel website.  So now I’m getting really worried, bordering pissed actually.  And oh, how can I forget the absolutely loud and ratchet playing somewhere in the hotel dining area? Yhu, laaark really, we were literally somewhere in Hillbrow.
So anyway, the kind gentleman opens our hotel room, and proudly says “this is it!” and shows us our bed, TV area, our view hehehehehe!! And lastly our bathroom with a 4 foot long cockroach just lying there.  Then this guy asks us “so do you like it?”.   AHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHa!! I was so confused, that was one hectic anti-climax.  We asked him, what happens if we say we don’t like it? And he said we could move to another room, we get to the reception, and we’re told, nope there’s no other room.  But at that point we had decided (without saying a word to each other) that we would not be spending another night, after the Friday night at that dreadful dungeon.

We are such polite people really, because we didn’t even throw tantrums, we just told the lady at reception that we would not be staying for 2 nights as initially arranged.

We went into our room, to rest, cause that’s why we were at Bela Bela…to rest.  Kanti, aszi niks!! The hotel was hosting a freaken matric dance tltltltltl yho zingasawi!! That just topped it all off.

Well eventually the loud, drunk and horny teenage voices eventually disappeared into the night and we stopped concentrating on all the bad stuff and looked for a reputable hotel chain and booked for our next nights’ stay.

The next day was meant to be a hassle free, rest day… It turned out to be something else, a very funny near death experience.

I’m tired of typing now, will write about that later… So basically, pictures are deceitful!! Never again will I trust a picture, I’m scarred for life…

So Just Live On!!!

I just heard someone tell someone that time heals all wounds…I really cannot agree to this.  Time heals all wounds? Hhmmm let me just think about that for a minute…I’m still not quite sure about that.  I think one is somehow forced to move on after things happen, and the moving on sometimes automatically just happens, because time passes, it does not stop because you are hurting or because you want to savour a beautiful moment, doesn’t really heal you but just goes by.  Time just passes.

What I do know though is that things really do come to pass.  Things happen, life happens, you get hurt and it feels as if you are never ever gonna be able to make it past the hurt.  It always feels like the darkness is just there to stay.  And at that point in your life you just forget that it wasn’t always that way.  It’s the same as when things are going great in life, sometimes everything just goes according to plan, and it’s all just perfect…you are happy, things go insanely well at that time, it does not stay that way forever…it all passes with time.  Just make sure you really enjoy it, and make the most out of it.

Anyway, I forgot where I was going with this :/  lol

decide to be ha…

decide to be happy…

“When we decide to be happy we accept the responsibility to bring happiness to someone else. Some decide that happiness and glee are the same thing, they are not. When we choose happiness we accept the responsibility to lighten the load of someone else and to be a light on the path to another who may be walking in darkness. “~ Maya Angelou

A man’s work…what makes a guy think he stands a chance with a girl?

The other day we were walking down the street to wherever, when some loser looking dude came up and started chatting up my very very hot and classy friend.  This guy was serious, it wasn’t one of those, “hallo mabhebeza” kind of things, and you could see that this dude really thought he stood a chance here… WHY? HOW? Clearly this is person was delusional…or am I just judgemental as a person? This got me thinking, what makes a guy pursue the girl that he pursues? What makes a girl consider the “proposal” or even give the guy a couple minutes of her time?  As women, we also tend to judge a bit too quickly.

courtship blogAt that very moment when a guy decides to “make his move” on a girl, what makes the guy think he stands a chance with the girl?  What makes him think you are his type, because at times you get hit on by the shadiest, ugliest character?  Does that mean he took one look at you and thought…ahhh she is definitely my type!! lol I hope not… Some guys are just too ambitious! You aim way too high o_O Krkrkrkrkr I suppose the sky is the limit? LOL

Being a woman is sometimes hard some might say…because of our monthly friend, the load we carry for 9 months and oh actually delivering that load!  And a lot of other things, a lot.  But I ask isn’t being a man hard too?…I ask this because I know women, I know how difficult and head strung we can be. I can just imagine having to court a woman…actually I can’t imagine it! I’d probably be still dating my 1st girlfriend from high school if I were a guy lol…I’d probably be gay actually because women are difficult, but definitely worth the effortJ.

Ukushela umsebenzi! You see this girl that you think is the one for you! You know in your heart of hearts that this one is the one. Then…you have to go up to her and make your move. That’s if you have the nerve.  I imagine that this requires a loooot of courage.  Do you let your assets speak for you or maybe your looks? I just wonder.  Is there a formula that guys use to “secure” their places in their potential partners’ hearts or is this something that comes with age and experience?   What do guys look out for?  What makes guys think “that one will most definitely yes”.

All this also makes me wonder about the men who have numerous girlfriends…how do they do it? I mean women can be mean, unapproachable and require so much maintenance and effort, so if you have more than one gal?  Master of multi-tasking or too much time on your hands or huge appetite :’)?

These days though, I think the guys have it a bit easier.  Social media has made so much easier to engage the fairer sex.  I’m pretty sure that there are guys out there who are eternally grateful for these little heaven sent tools. Some guys would not had the courage they have now had it not been for Facebook, twitter and what not.  Now love is just a “poke” away lol.

So back to my question, what makes a guy think he stands a chance with a girl?

What doeBeFunky_lie to me.jpgs that even mean? I love you?  Why do some people crave those words so much, while other cringe at the thought of them?  The words that carry sooo much weight! LoL!!

In different situations, it means a lot of different things… It has often been said “I love you, (but not in that way)” or “I love you, (because the sex was that good)” or “I love you, (because I’m just a liar”) it has been said “I love you, (because I think you’re what I think I need)”.  Those three words in my opinion are not to be thrown around lightly just because it seems like the right or the convenient thing to say at the time…think about the repercussions.  I’m not talking about that sisterly or brotherly love.  I mean in romantic situations, flings and sexual encounters that have lingered on way longer than their sell-by date.

How many of you have said those 3 little big words just so you could get laid and later regretted it with every inch of your body and mind, because the chick is now stuck on those words and just wants to be loved? You said it!!! You brought it onto yourself.  On that same note however, I can’t imagine how many people would get slapped if they were to be upfront enough to just say “hey, wanna shag?”   It is a sticky little issue I must say, and we must tread lightly and not think only with the lower parts of our bodies.

Why do we do it?  And we have become so good at it.  There is almost no value in hearing those words anymore…its value is not completely lost, but you almost have to take hearing those words with a pinch of salt. I’m not saying I don’t believe in love or that everything is about love, but a lot does revolve around it.  We have to keep in mind that we do not have the same mindset(s), so just because you think in a certain way, it doesn’t mean I will think in that way too.  So, I say there is no talk that beats strait talk.  Put your cards on the table, tell him/her what you’re about; the person will either stick around to take it or will just leave!

I find it is not always necessary to say those words.  But we get so caught up in trying to have relationships that we forget what we’re really about and we end up in “situationships” (as per M.L.).  We don’t always have to label the relations we have with people (that’s just me).  So, if we are not in love…can we have a mutual understanding and just be clear about what is going on and not sell each other dreams we will not be able to make a reality.

Basically it all boils down to being open minded, not having too many expectations and remembering “we hear what you’re saying, but it’s what you do that counts”.

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